and we frolicked about

My therpist wants to see if my doc would recommend I get referred to a psychiatrist to check out my meds and the chemical stuff that I have going on right now. I think he's concerned that, despit me being on my meds for over a month now, that I'm not necessarily feeling BETTER. I mean, I feel more even, for sure, but I don't feel BETTER. Right now I'm at a place where I am still feeling some panic and sadness but I can't properly emote that. I can't cry. I don't know what's worse--crying three times a day over nothing and while driving or feeling sad and wanting to cry but not being able to. I'm very flat at the moment. It feels like my panic and sadness are muffled and I can't properly express them, even to describe the feelings, which is something I'm usually very good at, to explain to someone what's going on with me.

I also have no drive to do anything. I WANT to get better but I feel no desire, drive, ability or need to do it. It's not the worst way to feel but it's definitely not a good way to be functioning at the moment. I want to FEEL again, even the bad things. Because the bad things make the awesome things that much better.

The hives have been coming and going so I haven't been back to the doctor. I didn't see a point since the most he could do would put me on steroids again and once they were gone the hives would be back, so. They're not as bad as they were at first but they're still annoying and itchy as hell. I'll just scratch and get by.

( Southland )

( I also started watching Big Bang Theory season 2, talk about Raising Hope & Harper's Island )

( Talk about movies and awards season )

( Primeval 404 )

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Primeval 404 set 1 (371 caps ~ 29.3MB) // Primeval 404 set 1 (371 caps ~ 27.6MB) // gallery

( Primeval 404 )