and we frolicked about

It really fucking sucks when you forget to take your anit-depressants for a day, so after a month of not being able to cry while on them you're suddenly sobbing over NOTHING and thinking about all the shitty things you're taking the pills to deal with to begin with.

I was fine until about a half hour ago and then I was thinking about the start of the work week and the shit I have to do tomorrow, calling student loan, going to the doctor to update him on the depression situation and to ask for something to deal with my back pain. Seriously, dude, I know you don't want to give me a prescription but it's been almost two years and these OTC pills are getting expensive and ineffective. Plus the pharmacy is starting to say things to me about how frequently I'm getting them--and I'm tag-teaming with another store to get around the time limits when I run out, which I'm 99% sure is frowned upon, at the VERY least.

I actually had an okay day. I cleaned all the things (well, most of the things) because I have a friend coming over tomorrow night for dinner. So I swept and scrubbed the kitchen (on my knees with a scrub pad, no less!), vacuumed (the rest of my rooms, including the bathroom, are carpeted), dusted, cleared off the kitchen table (hasn't looked this good since I moved in) and took out the garbage. Then I prepared the dinner for tomorrow in the slow cooker and popped it in the fridge till morning. AND I made my first Valentine's day card that I'm giving to the girls at work. I haven't finished it totally because I don't know quite what to write and I'm waiting for the glitter to dry.

Forgot to even watch Primeval this week, and thus cap it, and I can't bring myself to care, honestly. I'll watch it but I don't know when. Maybe I'll put it off for a while to a shorter time before the start of season five.

Anyway, now that I've gone on about STUFF I guess I'll try to go to bed and hope for a better tomorrow, on drugs.

Okay, I'm done with winter. This town is not equipped, nor does it have the mentality, to deal with snow. On Wednesday night, I think it was, it was furrying a bit with big, thick flakes. I figured it was just going to spit a bit, went home and didn't look out the window again. By morning when I woke up and went outside to go to work there was about 6 inches. *sigh* Under normal circumstances 6 inches wouldn't be bad. Except that this town seriously doesn't have any road maintenance skills. They expect chinooks to come through every week and melt the snow and they can get by with only clearing the hills, main roads and around schools and hospitals. They don't clear any other roads, no residential, no back alleys, nothing.

I coasted more than half a block last night on the way home because the ruts and bumps kept my car going. In one weekend because of the snow there were 28 (reported) car accidents in a town of only 60,000-ish. That's ONE weekend and doesn't take into account the 20+ accidents in November over a couple days after the first "big" snow or about the same amount that happened a couple weekends ago. So the cops are constantly being like--Oh, people just have to go slow and not be idiots. TRUE but when you're only doing 30kmph and you're fishtailing from the snow/ice or the ROAD RUTS from the UNPLOWED CONDITIONS and have to swerve to the side or risk hitting the person in front of you it's ridiculous.

And now it's snowed more again last night so there's more gross white stuff to wade through. Bleck.

I've been toying with the idea of going to wincon again this year. I've been the second and fourth years (LA and Denver) so this would be following the pattern. I wouldn't be going for SPN, obviously, but now the con is multi-fandom so there could be something else there for me to be interested in, although I haven't followed up yet and seen how last year went with the first year of being multi-fandom. One big draw is that it's in New Orleans. I'd love to check that area of the US out and experience the culture and whatnot. I mean, going just for that would be awesome.

I have some time to decide, which is good because there are a lot of other factors for me to consider. I'd be paying probably out of my savings bonds since I have no money from week to week to save and go with. A lot can change between now and, say, July when I'd have to finally decide if I wanted to go. I don't NEED to take a vacation every year but it would be a great opportunity and I like the people I meet at Wincon and the environment to talk about fandom-related things that I don't get to share any time in real life (or rarely).

MY first choice for a vacation would be to go to NYC again, actually. But since I was there this past summer and I don't know if anyone else would go with me there I don't know if I can swing it again. I also feel a bit like I should take the chance to go somewhere else instead to get as many new exeriences as possible. So I don't know.

But the whole guilt-thing about spending money that I could be saving for emergencies instead is also weighing on me. I don't know. I mean, I have savings bonds for things like vacations and whatnot but right now money is VERY tight for me and instead of spending it all on ONE weekend maybe I could spend it on a few different things throughout the year instead. There are just too many factors right now for me to think about. But Wincon is right there with everything else. So I don't know yet.

I continue to be even, emtotionally. Although this week I came as close to finally crying for a few weeks. It was because of an asshole customer but I basically told him to fuck off without really saying it over email and moved on. Basically this guy was a passive aggresive bastard and really upset me with what he said. So I guess, in this case, it's good that I'm on the meds so I didn't lose it at work?

Is anyone else playing Words with Friends? I'm Erins26 on there, if anyone wants to start a game!

( Primeval 405 )

* 1280x720 caps
* Uploaded to my own personal site.
* Comment and credit if taking/using.
* The biggie- NO HOTLINKING. Don't be a bastard and make me replace my sample caps with a bright and gaudy "I'm a thief, ask me how!" message.
* DO NOT RE-UPLOAD THESE CAPS (OR ANY OF MY CAPS) TO FANPOP!!!!

Primeval 405 set 1 (262 caps ~ 23.3MB) // Primeval 405 set 2 (262 caps ~ 22.1MB) // Primeval 405 set 3 (263 caps ~ 18.3MB) // gallery

( Primeval 405 )

It doesn't feel like it's been that long since I made a post but I guiess it has been a week. Not a whole lot has been going on but at the same time it feels like forever.

I broke out into some nasty hives on Monday. I've never had hives like this before. People were seeing shapes in the spots as they grew and merged. It was funny except, you know, they itched like a motherfucker and I felt like a freak. Luckily I had an appointment with the doctor on Tuesday and he prescribed me some steroids for them. They made the hives go away for the meantime but today's my last dose of them so they could very well come back tomorrow. I didn't take my dose on time yesterday and broke out on my arms and legs again, although not as bad since they didn't have enough time to spread.

The doctor increased my anti-depressant dosage to one and a half a day. He also said I should take two of the sleeping pills he'd prescribed to me until the hives clear up and then I can take one of the ones I've been on and half of another he gave me. I'm just your regular pharmacy at this point. Last week as a whole wasn't the best. I've felt more emotional and the pressure of the panic has been present more than since I've been on the meds.

There are things I know I should be doing, things that I want to do for myself to get back into the swing of things in my mind--creatively--that I just can't bring myself to do. I know I have to reply to comments, participate in communities, ATTEMPT TO WRITE and yet I just can't bring myself to do it. It's much easier to piss away time doing nothing and watching TV.

The doc said that I should be seeing a sign in my energy level while on the meds but I don't think I have yet. I'm still not sleeping the best and while I have grand plans during the day for what I want to do after work by the time I get there all I want to do is sit on the couch and that leads to falling asleep. I have been walking more this past week, a couple times at lunch (more walking to stores to actually do things but I'm walking instead of driving) and then a couple times after work. I like walking but I don't see enough of a difference or feel a payoff yet.

I'm seeing my therapist again this week so I'll talk to him about all this and ... I don't know. I don't know where else to go next. I guess I'm waiting for the pills to give me enough of a boost to be proactive about getting well. Pathetic, no?

( I'm almost finished season 1 of Southland )

( Primeval 403 )

* 1280x720 caps
* Uploaded to my own personal site.
* Comment and credit if taking/using.
* The biggie- NO HOTLINKING. Don't be a bastard and make me replace my sample caps with a bright and gaudy "I'm a thief, ask me how!" message.
* DO NOT RE-UPLOAD THESE CAPS (OR ANY OF MY CAPS) TO FANPOP!!!!

Primeval 403 set 1 (286 caps ~ 27.0MB) // Primeval 403 set 2 (286 caps ~ 23.1MB) // Primeval 403 set 3 (286 caps ~ 24.0MB) // gallery

( Primeval 403 )

Not even 24 hours into the New Year it's already my family: 0, death: 1. I have a cousin named Dawn who was married to a man named John (yeah, there's also a Dan and Jan and my grandfather was Ernie who had a brother-in-law named Burt). John has had extensive heart trouble for a few years and only partial use of it, even. He's had a lot of angina attacks, I guess, and today he had a heart attack while transporting a load of lumber and passed away. That's all I know right now. Don't know if anyone else was involved or if anyone else was hurt, hopefully not. It's sad but not unexpected, I guess. Just sucks that it had to be today, although it's good that he got one more holiday with family. These were the people my mom went to spend Christmas with this year so I know she's a bit upset.

I knew them but we weren't close. They used to visit a few times a year when my grandparents were still alive (and, in fact, my grandfather passed away 10 years ago today, as well. Jesus) and when I was younger and Dawn was with another man (who was a PRICK) she used to be around a couple times a month with her kids (my .... second cousins once removed? Third cousins? Who cares) so I know her but not well enough now to go to the funeral.

So now I'm going to get ready and hang out with pipry23 before she has to go back to Vancouver.

( Primeval 401 )

* 1280x720 caps
* Uploaded to my own personal site.
* Comment and credit if taking/using.
* The biggie- NO HOTLINKING. Don't be a bastard and make me replace my sample caps with a bright and gaudy "I'm a thief, ask me how!" message.
* DO NOT RE-UPLOAD THESE CAPS (OR ANY OF MY CAPS) TO FANPOP!!!!

Primeval 401 set 1 (217 caps ~ 19.0MB) // Primeval 401 set 2 (217 caps ~ 19.2MB) // Primeval 401 set 3 (217 caps ~ 21.7MB) // Primeval 401 set 4 (217 caps ~ 18.0MB) // Primeval 401 set 5 (217 caps ~ 18.0MB) // gallery

( Primeval 401 )

I can has a Formspring? Ask me questions! Link me to yours, if you have one!

I have just finished season 1 of Primeval (only 6 episodes, not a difficult feat) and am now starting season 2. Why didn't I watch this shit earlier?! It's a mix of Alias and Doctor Who and Fringe and it's awesome! Cheesy graphics but that's part of the fun!

I huuuuuurt from my massage still. Oy.

Annnnyway. Saturday FTW!