and we frolicked about

Originally posted by fujimizue at New Southland promo w/new scenes

Anyone want to start a petition to have Southland on ALL THE FREAKING TIME?!

LOVED the finale. It HAS to have a fourth (and longer!) season! I don't want to wait another YEAR for it!

My therpist wants to see if my doc would recommend I get referred to a psychiatrist to check out my meds and the chemical stuff that I have going on right now. I think he's concerned that, despit me being on my meds for over a month now, that I'm not necessarily feeling BETTER. I mean, I feel more even, for sure, but I don't feel BETTER. Right now I'm at a place where I am still feeling some panic and sadness but I can't properly emote that. I can't cry. I don't know what's worse--crying three times a day over nothing and while driving or feeling sad and wanting to cry but not being able to. I'm very flat at the moment. It feels like my panic and sadness are muffled and I can't properly express them, even to describe the feelings, which is something I'm usually very good at, to explain to someone what's going on with me.

I also have no drive to do anything. I WANT to get better but I feel no desire, drive, ability or need to do it. It's not the worst way to feel but it's definitely not a good way to be functioning at the moment. I want to FEEL again, even the bad things. Because the bad things make the awesome things that much better.

The hives have been coming and going so I haven't been back to the doctor. I didn't see a point since the most he could do would put me on steroids again and once they were gone the hives would be back, so. They're not as bad as they were at first but they're still annoying and itchy as hell. I'll just scratch and get by.

( Southland )

( I also started watching Big Bang Theory season 2, talk about Raising Hope & Harper's Island )

( Talk about movies and awards season )

( Primeval 404 )

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( Primeval 404 )

It doesn't feel like it's been that long since I made a post but I guiess it has been a week. Not a whole lot has been going on but at the same time it feels like forever.

I broke out into some nasty hives on Monday. I've never had hives like this before. People were seeing shapes in the spots as they grew and merged. It was funny except, you know, they itched like a motherfucker and I felt like a freak. Luckily I had an appointment with the doctor on Tuesday and he prescribed me some steroids for them. They made the hives go away for the meantime but today's my last dose of them so they could very well come back tomorrow. I didn't take my dose on time yesterday and broke out on my arms and legs again, although not as bad since they didn't have enough time to spread.

The doctor increased my anti-depressant dosage to one and a half a day. He also said I should take two of the sleeping pills he'd prescribed to me until the hives clear up and then I can take one of the ones I've been on and half of another he gave me. I'm just your regular pharmacy at this point. Last week as a whole wasn't the best. I've felt more emotional and the pressure of the panic has been present more than since I've been on the meds.

There are things I know I should be doing, things that I want to do for myself to get back into the swing of things in my mind--creatively--that I just can't bring myself to do. I know I have to reply to comments, participate in communities, ATTEMPT TO WRITE and yet I just can't bring myself to do it. It's much easier to piss away time doing nothing and watching TV.

The doc said that I should be seeing a sign in my energy level while on the meds but I don't think I have yet. I'm still not sleeping the best and while I have grand plans during the day for what I want to do after work by the time I get there all I want to do is sit on the couch and that leads to falling asleep. I have been walking more this past week, a couple times at lunch (more walking to stores to actually do things but I'm walking instead of driving) and then a couple times after work. I like walking but I don't see enough of a difference or feel a payoff yet.

I'm seeing my therapist again this week so I'll talk to him about all this and ... I don't know. I don't know where else to go next. I guess I'm waiting for the pills to give me enough of a boost to be proactive about getting well. Pathetic, no?

( I'm almost finished season 1 of Southland )

( Primeval 403 )

* 1280x720 caps
* Uploaded to my own personal site.
* Comment and credit if taking/using.
* The biggie- NO HOTLINKING. Don't be a bastard and make me replace my sample caps with a bright and gaudy "I'm a thief, ask me how!" message.
* DO NOT RE-UPLOAD THESE CAPS (OR ANY OF MY CAPS) TO FANPOP!!!!

Primeval 403 set 1 (286 caps ~ 27.0MB) // Primeval 403 set 2 (286 caps ~ 23.1MB) // Primeval 403 set 3 (286 caps ~ 24.0MB) // gallery

( Primeval 403 )